Friday, March 30, 2007

Sugasm #72

This Week’s Picks
Big-Titted Muses (http://middleurge.blogspot.com)
“In the span of fifteen seconds, these two lovers instantly own the room, the camera, the cock.”

Make it happen (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“Dip two strawberries in the chocolate, eat one and feed me the other.”

Water, Water Everywhere… (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
“He pauses there, feeling the weight in his hands, then soaps my breasts, rubbing the nipples between his fingers and thumb.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Nathalie Portman is Naked (http://sugarbank.com)

Editor’s Choice
Control (http://lafillemariee.blogspot.com)

As always, the rest of this week's Sugasm is here

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Blown Off (But Not That Way)

So I decided to take up Melissa Gira's challenge to ask someone that I want to kiss for a kiss, and what better person to ask than Melissa's co-editor (and Bi Apple cameo star) Lux Nightmare, of whose hot pink fishnets I had previously blogged rhapsodic here. I mean, why not? She's smart, she's hot, and she was conveniently online.

The result? Well, to spare my tender ego I won't quote the actual conversation (or Lux's hysterical laughter), but let's just say that I have some doubt that Ms. Nightmare and I will be locking lips any time soon. Not that hope doesn't spring eternal, but I suspect that my approach of "How 'bout a kiss?" might have lacked a certain... suaveness.

Hey, she said she couldn't spare me more than a minute, and I didn't want to waste her time with some fancy oblique approach. Brevity is the soul of wit, right?

Right?

Innervated

Looks like one of my (smaller) pieces over at Viv's got picked up by Scanner, which is a nerve.com blog. Neato!

It would have been extra nice if Erin Bradley had given me some name attribution in her post, but I'll take what I can get. Beggars, choosers, &c.

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Bi Apple gets reviewed!

Looks like the first full-length review of The Bi Apple has been posted by Gram Ponante at his eponymous blog.

For those of you just joining us, I was the production manager on this movie, which was directed by Audacia Ray.

Anyway, while Simone Valentino was indeed the film's protagonist, and Trixie did feature most prominently in the Behind the Scenes (I was robbed!), I personally think that Tucker stole every scene he was in.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Ms. Ray

I'm sure that this clip must turn some of you on? Yes? No?

I'm just picturing her making that exact noise in bed, without variation, no matter what it is her partner is doing.

Hey, I'm not a proud man. I'd hit that for 40 dollars a day. *rimshot*

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Key To Comedy Is Timing

Heh heh heh. I was just reading Lux Nightmare's latest post over at Sexerati. My favourite bit:

- If your partner is female, spoon her after sex, placing your hand on her lower abdomen. Patting gently, put your lips to her ear and ask, “Is that the baby we just made?”

That's sheer brilliance! I'm going to have to try it sometime. No, seriously. See, I've got a bizarre sense of humour, and sometimes I can't keep myself from inappropriate hilarity during intimate situations. I don't want to get too detailed, examples-wise, but suffice it to say that calling someone a "Friend of Barbaro" when they ask you to talk dirty to them may result in some unfortunate consequences.

Hey, it was the most degrading thing I could think of at the time. And after a few moments of stunned silence, she laughed too.

If I might add a suggestion to Lux's superlative list, a great way to start off an evening on the right wrong foot is to stand behind your intended companion in a crowded elevator and, just as the doors close, lean forward and whisper "You smell like prey". Make sure you say it just loud enough for everyone to hear.

---
On a totally unrelated houseblogkeeping note I added A's Pursuit of Pleasure to the blogroll, and a Technorati link to the end of each post.

Another Interview!

Another(!) short interview with yours truly has been posted over at Viv's, part of her series on blogs and bloggers.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Real Amateur College Porn (But Not How You Think)

So last night I braved the ice and the wind and the frathouses overflowing with sloppy St. Patrick's Day drunks to escort college sexblogger Jessica Haralson* to iNtuitons' production of La Ronde, which is a cheery little story of syphilis and infidelity in turn-of-the-(last-)century Vienna. It's ten scenes long, each one a self-contained story that has at its core a sex scene. Don't worry -- I'm not here to review college theater (though if I may, I will say that the friend of mine whose performance prompted my attendance was easily the best actress in the cast -- her material was the most challenging and her performance, the most natural).

Instead, what struck me was the audience's reaction to the sex and nudity in each vignette. In some of the scenes, the sex was played for laughs, with comical soundtracks and exaggerated facial expressions and wild, bed-rattling gyrations. And the audience laughed. In some, the sex was perfunctory and awkward and brief. And the audience laughed. In some, the sex was played passionate and straight, with realistic moaning and grunting and thrusting and shifting. And the audience laughed. In some, the sex was definitely porn-inspired, what with nightstand cunnilingus and obscure, uncomfortable sexual positions. And the audience laughed. And of course, when the actor playing The Count dropped his briefs and let his tackle dangle, the audience laughed.

Some of the tittering can be attributed to the audience's relative naiveté -- UPenn is conservative as Ivy League schools go, and I daresay that there were more than a few folks in the audience who had never actually seen a naked man in the context of a performance before -- but not all of it. I realized that the reason why so many were laughing was not necessarily because of nervousness or embarrassment, but because, well, sex just looks silly.

I'll wager that a fairly high percentage of the people reading this blog have probably, at some time or another, experimented with videotaping or photographing themselves in flagranté. I know I certainly have. And if you're anything like me, it's really hard to watch the fruits of that particular labour, what with the grunting and groaning and funny facial expressions and awkward thrusts and jiggling and... ugh. No thank you. And that's why the audience was laughing at the simulated sex on stage. It was one part embarrassment, one part tittilation and one part the shameful realization that yes, I look and sound just that ridiculous when I do it.

So then I started to wonder: Just how do we make it look good? Or at least, if not good, then at least not laughable? And I realized that the answer was something that I've been telling people for a long time when they tell me that they're great in bed, so they'd be great in porn: Porn sex looks nothing like real sex. Nobody does reverse piledriver at home -- at least, not more than once, even if they manage to avoid serious injury. Porn blowjobs don't resemble real blowjobs, though I've met girls that haven't quite figured that out yet (hint: It's not an ice cream cone, ladies), and heaven help the guy that thinks that everything he needs to know about cunnilingus he learned watching Seymour Butts. Even the language of sex is different than the language of porn-sex. I'll admit that I like a little dirty talk in bed, but it takes a different level of suspension of disbelief entirely to buy into what you hear on the screen. In reality, after all, few and far between are the girls (or boys) that mean it when they scream things like "FUCK MY DIRTY TEEN SLUTHOLE, DADDY!"

Standard porn isn't really about sex and more than wuxia flicks are really about martial arts. It's about the idea of sex, the platonic ideal of that perfect, zipless fuck that looks nothing like actual sweaty, sticky monkey-fucking, jiggling and funny faces and all.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

* Her take on the evening here.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Items of Import

1) The Bi Apple is now available on streaming video from our good friends over at TLA Video. It's the entire movie! There's also a bonus sex scene from some other movie at Scene 6, and the entire Bi Apple behind-the-scenes feature (which features my hands and voice!) at Scene 7. You can rent the whole movie for a week for ten bucks, or buy some minutes and watch it at your leisure.

2) I've added Kiss and Tell Kate to the right sidebar. Also, shiny new Feedburner widgets.

3)Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Holiday Blues

You know, I was never one of those folks that boo-hoo-hooed being single on Valentine's Day. It never really bothered me.

Being single on Steak and a Blowjob Day, on the other hand, is intensely depressing.

Sugasm #70

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Ladies, Please... No.




Meet Amy Winehouse. She's probably my favorite new female vocalist of the last year. On the right is her two years ago, back when she was hot. On the left is Skeletor, who apparently killed Amy and is now wearing her skin.

Let's go over that again: On the right, a ridiculously hot woman with a voice like an Islay malt. On the left, a bunch of sticks wrapped in jaundiced leather.

Don't do it, ladies. Please. Don't.

Friday, March 9, 2007

More Exposure

Looks like my angry letter to the editor made it into the Village Voice's letters section back in late January, and I never noticed.

The letter was protesting the replacement of the sexy and talented Rachel Kramer Bussel's sex column with a poorly-written, very uninteresting column about stuff that I don't give a damn about.

They cut my letter down considerably and made it a touch less mean, but still, the gist is still there.

Buzz TV Get Wise

Wow! A recent post of mine over at Viv's blog was just featured as the lead story on Technorati's Buzz TV.

I'm internet famous!

Pity they didn't give me any name credit. Baby steps. Baby steps!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

GOPorn: Smut and the American Conservative

I just posted over at Viv's about Marine Cpl. Matt Sanchez, aka gay pornstar and escort Rod Majors (aka Pierre LaBranche). A homosexual in the Marines is hardly big news, even one with as storied a skin-flick career as Cpl. Sanchez, but this particular homosexual Marine is also a conservative media darling, appearing on Fox's Hannity & Colmes and O'Reilly Factor. Of course, now that he's been outed, this will likely change.

The story got me to thinking about the intersection of porn and politics here in the States. Specifically, why do we (or we, if you prefer) derive such satisfaction from seeing the Matt Sanchezes and Jeff Gannons and Ted Haggards exposed as something other than what the Family Values crowd wants them to be? I mean, yes, there is the visceral pleasure of seeing your foe embarassed and discombobulated and exposed as (at least in Ted Haggard's case) a hypocrite. But in the end, isn't using the fact that Matt Sanchez is a former gay escort and pornstar as an anti-Republican political tool ultimately counterproductive? If their gayness or sex-workerness is seen as a liability, won't that just drive any other red state gays or sex workers even deeper underground?

See, from our point of view it's easy to see that when we wag the finger at gay escort Republicans, it's the "Republican" descriptor that we most object to (and this coming from a guy that regularly wears a Ronald Reagan T-shirt in a totally non-ironic way -- the party ain't what it used to be). But to most folks, any criticism and disapproval will be attached immediately to the words "gay escort", regardless of our original intention.

It's simple to see the Republican Party as one large homogeneous mass of red state NASCAR dads that love Jeebus and hate the queers, but just like any other political party, most Republicans don't actually agree with the whole official party platform. I know I sure as hell didn't, back when I could still stomach being a GOP supporter. Many Republicans are even trying to work within the system to change things for the better. It's easy to call gay Republicans or right-wing pornographers hypocrites, but honestly, what do you do if you're a hardline neoconservative male who just happens to enjoy taking it up the ass from well-endowed gym bunnies? Joining the blue-state side would make you a much bigger hypocrite than signing up with the GOP, but if you come out, you're a liability to your political allies -- especially when the other side finds out. After all, they're just going to use your past predilections and peccadilloes as ammunition against the people you support.

When greeted with the news that hatemongering cunt Anne Coulter and her CPAC fan club (and I use the c-word with all of the approbation, hatred and negativity that the word can possibly contain in its most base and puerile sense) publically embraced a gay escort and pornstar, I think that instead of pointing and laughing, it would be a lot more useful to celebrate the fact that the neo-cons are finally loosening up and accepting elements of our society that they had previously hated and shunned.

Of course, that's not what they're doing. They were duped, and we can laugh at them for it on the inside. But publically, we should instead praise them for the tolerance that we wish they had. After all, if you say something enough, people will eventually start to believe it, and with enough time it becomes the truth.

Plus, I bet that would piss off those neo-con assholes even more.

Monday, March 5, 2007

Party Pictures

A few pictures of the Bi Apple release party have surfaced. Let me help you find them:

Nick McGlynn has some here.

Viv's are here.

Dacia's, of course.

And some videos on Fleshbot.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

The Bi Apple release party

Two things of note and concern to both you and I happened this weekend. In reverse-chronological order: I started this blog, and Audacia Ray and Bella Vendetta threw a release party for The Bi Apple.

In case you didn't know, I worked on The Bi Apple in the capacity of a production manager. What does that mean? You can read all about it in an interview with me over at Audacia's site. What else does that mean? It means that I got into the party for free, baby! Yeah!

What does this have to do with me starting my blog today? Well, I feel that a hallmark of any successful blog is a large and steady readership. The only way to attract readership is to get noticed, and if my experiences with the blog world have taught me anything so far, it's that a good way to get noticed is to relentlessly name-drop as often and as egregiously as possible. As a good portion of the sexblogosphere was present at last night's shindig, a party report gives me the perfect opportunity to do just that.

So: I arrived at the Pussycat Lounge at about 10PM with my pal Luke and a posse of his friends in tow. The super-hot Simone Valentino and Dacia were already hard at work signing copies of the movie. I got my copy signed promptly, and then much to my surprise a few people asked me to sign their covers as well. I wasn't expecting that, considering that I only appear in the special features, and even then mostly from the wrists down. I circulated a bit, secured a drink for myself and promptly ran into ReVay, our lesbian superheroine, and shortly thereafter the lovely and talented Lux Nightmare, who gave me a Sexerati pin which I wore proudly for the rest of the night. Later in the evening Lux showed me her very sexy Roller Derby shin-bruise. Why was it a sexy bruise? Because it was wearing hot pink fishnets, of course.

A little bit later Phil Forrest, who worked with me on the film as a PA, showed with his SO. Phil was wearing a heavy wool sweater and I think he stuck around for maybe half an hour before the heat drove him back out into the dark Manhattan night. Erin Siegal, another talented photographer, was also there. Erin is just about the best person on the planet with whom to share a hug, and was sporting a new (to me) brunette look. Other crew members that showed up: Santos, one of our other PAs, with a freshly-shaved head and Will, our behind-the-scenes camera guy. I said hello to Candida Royalle (proud winner of a silicone vibrator in one of the raffle drawings) and Rachel Kramer Bussel, and though I'm fairly sure neither one of them recognized me, I don't hold it against them. I've only met Candida once and Rachel maybe twice, and I'm sure they both meet so many people it all starts to blur together. And was that Melissa Gira that stopped me and complimented me on my Sexerati pin? I'm not really sure -- I only know her from the interwebs. It could have been her, though. Perhaps if I had had one less G&T, I could have made a more definite identification.

More NYC sex bloggers showed up a bit later. Viv was there, of course, and Lex and Les of the Naked Loft Party, and Jefferson, and I think I spotted Lolita Wolf there but I didn't get a chance to wade through the teeming throngs and say hello.

And when I say teeming, I do mean teeming. It was standing room only for a good while, both floors, especially when the stage shows started. There were lap dances, burlesque performances, girl/girl hot wax acts, flesh-hook suspensions and, of course, raffles. I won nothing in the raffles, though the contents of my gift bag were more fun than they had any right to be.

I ended up having to leave a little earlier than I would have liked -- I was crashing with some friends of mine that live in the city, and I didn't want to end up stumbling back to their apartment at 4 in the morning, waking them up with the buzzing of a doorbell and the smell of too much Bombay Sapphire wafting up from the street. I would have liked to stay longer but, in truth, I was pretty exhausted anyway, and I had foolishly booked my bus ticket back to Philly for an absurdly early morning hour.

And here I am.